Find the Truth

Through grieving the loss of Ben, I’ve become very aware of how cruel I can be to myself.

The inner chatter that happens without second thought, the mean things I can convince myself of — the once random thoughts that my former self would have dismissed soon became repetitive, unwanted affirmations.

For a couple months I FULLY believed the thoughts.

You didn’t protect him enough. You were too distracted. You could have done better.

But with every month that I grew stronger, my inner knowing grew louder.

I started to hear the thoughts and before I would believe them, I would ask myself: is this a bullshit thought or a truth thought?

You didn’t protect him enough. Bullshit thought.

You were too distracted. Bullshit thought.

You could have done better. Bullshit thought.

I would literally have to say it out loud, bullshit thought! And then I would follow it up with the truth.

You were living your life, taking care of your family, creating a human, and he didn’t make it. Truth.

You are a woman. You were nurturing your family at home and the world through your work. You were making a living and doing your best to create a life and he didn’t make it. Truth.

You did your best, you were healthy, you rubbed your belly constantly, you showed him love, and he didn’t make it. Truth.

When the bullshit thoughts come (and they will come) — I’m not smart enough, I could never do this, I’m too fat, I’m too thin, I’m too short, I’m too tall, I’m just not capable enough, I’m not worthy, I’m unlovable, the list goes on — recognize that this is only a thought.

Whether it’s bullshit or truth is up to us to decide.

And if it is a bullshit thought, call it out!

This is a bullshit thought! ... and then find the truth.

It takes time and practice, but it has made a world of difference to me.

We all owe it to ourselves, to our babies, our angels, the world, to create a kinder, more truthful inner dialogue.

Step by step, we can all find the truth together. I hope this helps, my friend. 💓